Archive for Refuse to Choose

Raison d’etre

Posted in personal with tags on May 24, 2009 by inspirexpire

Inspiration :  Expiration
Inhale : Exhale
To Do : Or Die

I am a Professional Hunter-Gatherer of Information, especially of the inspirational kind.
I have Gigs of visual triggers, dating back to the mid-90s, that I have carried with me across continents and oceans.
Until now, there has been no purpose to this, other than that I am compelled to collect anything and everything that appeals to me or makes me think or makes me squeal with delight.
I’ve tried to quit.
I’ve told myself there’s no point, unless I do something with it all.
I’ve felt shame. Oh, the Shame! And guilt, for wasting time and never producing anything.
But then, a lucky link click lead me to this: “Refuse to Choose”, by Barbara Sher.

And it changed the way I think about myself, completely.

I’ve been holding my breath for so long, I can’t remember when I didn’t feel constantly weak and lacking;
dying a little every time I right-click-save;
judging judging judging myself as I am surrounded by an ever-growing pile of evidence to my failures;
punishing myself by denying access to books and supplies and beautiful things that would fill me with joy.

There is greater detail in the “about”, but in short, I have Permission now.
Permission to collect,
to gather,
to amass
VAST quantities of visual stimuli,
eye candy,
muse juice,
brain porn
and to SHARE it.

And whether I post once a week or 10 times a day, it doesn’t matter.
I will only do what gives me the good feeling.
And whether it is purely for my own reference or changes the life of somebody else, it doesn’t matter.
It is enough to simply be.
And whether it lasts a week or 10 years, it doesn’t matter.
It is finished when I say it is.

This is the sound of me INHALING.

[Created to the sounds of the Transformers score by Steve Jabonsky]